


If I Could Fly

by SoGayItHurts



Series: Ends With A Kiss | Neymes [6]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: But they’re dorks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I make them sound like such a sad couple, M/M, PSG and Bayern, Songfic, angsty i guess, dorky boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-07-02 22:04:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15805452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoGayItHurts/pseuds/SoGayItHurts
Summary: Neymar and James trying to cope with their moves to PSG and Bayern Munich.———————————My summaries are still trash, but yeah, my boys dealing with being in completely different countries. Also, I recommend you listen to the song “If I Could Fly”, not because it makes the story make sense, but because it is a bop.





	If I Could Fly

 

  
_**If I could fly** _  
_**I’d be coming right back home to you** _

 

  
“Ney?”

“Ney, please,”

“Ney, are you there? Are you okay?”

This wasn’t supposed to be happening, it was all going wrong, he was lost and he was confused and he was almost broken.

“Ney? Talk to me,” James continued to beg into the phone but Neymar couldn’t talk. He couldn’t do anything, except hold the phone.

“Come on, babes, just talk to me, please,” James tried and tried again and again, but the other end of the phone was dead silent.

“Babe? Are you alright?” James asked, genuine worry in his voice, as Neymar stuttered over words that didn’t make sense.

“Ney, relax, calm down, say it slowly,”

Neymar took a breath in and a breath out before he tried again, making sure to make sense this time as he spoke.

“I don’t want to be here,”

 

**_I think I might,  
Give up everything just ask me to,_ **

 

“What do you mean?” James asked.

France was nice. Paris was welcoming and Neymar was reunited with so many of his friends. PSG treated him so much better and respected all their players equally. It was a perfect club.

But he felt so different, vulnerable, strange. He stuck out, even amongst his Brazilian friends and it was cold. Not even just physically, France just seemed cold in all ways.

And he missed everybody.

It was all fun and laughter at training but when he was alone it was horrible, most of Barca still hated him, his family were back in Brazil. And he was alone.

But worst of all, he was further away from James than he had ever been. It was supposed to be alright, France and Spain only a few hours away from each other, they were neighbouring countries, that would have been fine.

But then Real Madrid decides to loan James, to Bayern. A club in a different league, in a different country, a 7 hour drive away, and absolutely no where near Paris.

He tried to guess how many times a year he would be able to see his boyfriend. 6?Maybe 7? The thought was almost sickening.

This wasn’t just a drive-a-couple-hours relationship where they saw each other every week or two. This was horrible.

And Neymar was lost.

“I mean I don’t like it here,”

 

  
******_Pay Attention, I hope that you listen_**  
**‘Cause I let my guard down,**  
**Right now I’m completely defenceless**

 

  
“Good because neither do I,” James agreed, as Neymar began to speak properly.

“I don’t know what I’m doing, I can’t do this for...god knows how long,” Neymar added.

“PSG is a good club, babe, don’t worry you’ll get used to it,”

“I don’t want to get used to it,” Neymar replied.

Two years, two years he would have to wait before he and James could possibly ask for a transfer. Maybe James could ask to transfer to PSG but even then, he would have to get approval and it would still be in two years.

“Ney, I don’t either but we’re going to have to. Look, we’ll just have to be in this together, alright?”

Neymar huffed, whispering a soft “okay”, as long as James was fine with it he would get better.

“I don’t know anybody here,”

“That’s not true, Dani’s like your best friend and you have Thiago and David and-“

“But I don’t want any of them,”

“Then what do you want?”

“You,”

 

**_For your eyes only  
I show you my heart_ **

 

James chuckled.

It was a warm chuckle, not 100% pure but it was warm.

He was keeping rather calm and collected, it was hard to tell whether or not he even minded that he was at Bayern, he had a smile plastered on his face and he kept his cool.

But on the inside he was screaming.

Real Madrid didn’t treat him right, that was no secret, he spent so much time on the bench it was difficult to tell whether he even showed up or not.

But now he was far away from anything he’d ever known, completely unaware of any language barrier or the fact that he didn’t know anybody. And it wasn’t even his choice to leave.

But he would get used to it. Eventually.

Speaking to Neymar should have made him feel better, it always did, but now that his boyfriend was so disheartened and he was sure he’d hardly have any time to see him anymore, it made him feel worse.

“I just...I feel like I’ve lost everything I’ve ever had, you know?” Neymar said.

“You lost me?”

“I guess, I mean I had you and now I don’t,”

“Ney, you never had me,”

 

  
**_For when you’re lonely,  
And forget who you are,_ **

 

“What do you mean?” Neymar sounded shocked, James couldn’t see but his eyes widened and his foot tapped anxiously.

“I mean, we’ve always had our struggles, right? We’ve always been in the worst situation for a couple to be in, we were on rivalling football teams, we’re both male and we already lived quite far away from each other, we’ve always had it hard,” James noted and it was a valid point.

“And we got through that, we did it, didn’t we, James? Now we don’t play for rivalling teams but we live 7 hours away from each other,” Neymar said, taking James’ fact into account.

“We’ll get used to it, just like we did before, it’ll become normal in a bit,”

“We did get used to how it was before, I used to get so shocked when my friends told me they didn’t have to go undercover after 7pm and make sure that nobody was anywhere near them before visiting their significant other every week or so,” Neymar smiled, and it was true.

It had always shocked him that everyone else didn’t have to do the crazy things him and James had to do, that they all had normal relationships.

“But they most likely have their own problems, we’ve all got our pros and cons,” James pointed out.

“And what are our cons?”

“We have to keep our relationship a secret and we hardly ever see each other,”

“What about pros?”

“I am completely in love with you,”

 

  
**_I’m missing half of me,  
When we’re apart,_ **

 

  
“Are you so sure about that?” Neymar asked.

“Of course I am, and there’s no doubt I’ll always be,”

“But what if you eventually stop? Or you grow apart from me? Most long distance relationships don’t work,”

“We’ll make it work, Ney, don’t worry,”

“It’s hard not to worry,”

“I know, babe,”

“We always make it work, don’t we? Because I love you and you said you love me, we can do this,”

“I’m sure of it, Ney, trust me, we’ve been through worse,”

Neymar was calming down, he was slowly being reassured that things would get better, James could hear it. That alone made the older boy feel better, knowing that Neymar was almost okay, that he would get better. Eventually things would get better.

It was that and the fact that the idea hadn’t really sunk into his brain yet. James didn’t really understand the situation as much as he thought, because as much as he was letting himself know, all he was aware of was that he was away from his boyfriend but he’d come back.

He never really thought about the fact that maybe he wouldn’t.

“James,”

“Yeah,”

“How are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Being fine with everything?”

James let out a soft laugh. He asked himself the same question. How was he fine with everything? And the more he thought about it, the more it hit him.

“Who said I was fine?”

 

  
**_Now you know me,  
For your eyes only,_ **

****

“You need to talk more,” Neymar told him.

“What do you mean? I’d say I talk quite a lot,”

“No, I mean talk about what’s in your brain right now, as corny as it sounds, how you feel,”

“I’m good now, I’ll get better,” James simply said, he didn’t know exactly what to say so he gave his usual answer.

“Liar,”

“No really, if you’re good then I’m good,”

“Liar,”

“Oh shush, what do you want me to say?” James smiled softly.

“Say what is actually going through your head,”

“I’m still processing what’s happening, I don’t know, Ney, but we’ll get better,” James stated.

“Tell me what you HAVE processed,”

“Well, I know that I can’t see you or all my friends in Madrid for now, two years, which doesn’t seem like too much, the last two years have flown by,”

“Because you were having fun, babe, time flies when you’re having fun, but I’ve been in Paris for two days and it’s felt like forever,” Neymar said.

“I know, but we’ll just learn to get used to it, we’ll find our own way around the problem, right?”

“We can try,”

“And we’ll just have to keep trying, okay?”

“Okay,”

“That’s what I like to hear,” James smiled as he heard the younger man speak.

“I need to go, babe but I’ll call you tomorrow morning and feel free to ring me at any time,”

“Alright then, Ney, I love you, idiot,”

“I love you too, you dork, and I’ll see you tomorrow,alright, kisses,”

With one more final goodbye, Neymar hung up the phone and stared down at his mobile.

If only things would get better.

 

  
**_I’ve got scars,  
Even though they can’t always be seen,_ **

 

  
It didn’t really hit James until about four days later, when he watched a goodbye video someone had posted online about him leaving Madrid.

He was alone in the house (not that he wasn’t normally) and he was going through his old photos, practically unaware of anything, until a tide wave of nostalgia hit him.

That’s when the reality finally found its way into his brain. That’s when he realised.

He was never going to see his family apart from on the rare occasion, his friends at Madrid couldn’t come all the way to Germany just to see him, he was away from anything he’d ever known.

All the things he was watching would never happen again, all the joy that he had, all the love that he felt, gone.

The possibilities of seeing his own beloved boyfriend were so slim it was practically not even possible, except during vacations or when they played against each other.

But when that finally made sense in his head, it repeated itself over and over.

You’re alone, nobody knows you here, all your loved ones are gone, you’re stuck and there’s no way out, he thought to himself over and over.

The words stuck in his mind like glue, and he hated it, he cried for it to stop but over and over and over...

He looked around him, it was true, he was by himself and it would be like that from now on, this was it.

He threw his phone on the floor so he couldn’t see the video but his thought kept coming, louder and louder.

And he felt a warm teardrop fall from his eye and land on his lap.

And then another. And another. And soon tears were trickling down his cheek and forming puddles on his jeans.

He reached out for his phone.

  
**_And pain gets hard,  
But now you’re here and I don’t feel a thing._ **

  
_J: I think I’ve just realised_

He texted Neymar, fingers shaking slightly as he did, drops occasionally splashing onto the screen. He got a reply within seconds.

_N: Are you okay? Did it hit you hard?_

_J: I need you to_

_N: You need me to what, babe?_

_J: I need you to talk to me, just tell me something, with your voice, I need your voice._

He got a video call seconds later, and answered it, to see Neymar sitting on his sofa, looking rather tired but he had a small smile on his face.

“Oh my god, your eyes,” He began, shocked at James’ blood red eyes and tear filled cheeks.

“Sorry, I look a right sight, don’t I? I should probably wash u-“

“We’ll worry about that later, now you need to talk to me, tell me what’s on your mind,”

“I...it’s hard to actually say, easier to think but...”

“It doesn’t even need to make sense, just spill it out, in your own time, babe, anything that’s crossing your mind right now,”

“I...”

“I just need you to speak, okay? Just talk and we’ll make sense of what you said later,”

James nodded his head and then began to talk.

“I just miss everything, I miss my family and friends and you and Real Madrid and my home and the people around us and... it’s all gone, all of that, went down the drain with one signed contract. It’s all gone. And I have to start again, all over again, in the state that I was in, right at the beginning. You know how I was then right? I was so close to giving up on everything because of personal and even physical problems, and I was about to give it up. I was at the edge of a bridge. And I don’t want to go back to that, never, I never want to go through that again. I don’t want to start from the beginning again, because I loved where I was. And now it’s all gone,”

“Keep going,”

“Why?”

“We’re getting there,”

So he kept going.

 

  
******_Pay Attention I hope that you listen_**  
**_‘Cause I let my guard down_**  
**_Right now I’m completely defenceless_**

 

“I know I said two years isn’t a long time but it’s enough time to forget about someone and that’s what I’m scared will happen, everyone will forget that I’m here and move on, and then I’ll be back at square one, back to how I was before. And I don’t want that,”

“There, you feel better?”

James looked at himself in the small camera, he seemed calmer, maybe letting that out had done him some good.

“Yeah,”

“Now, here’s where I come in, and say that you are too good. I don’t even say this as a boyfriend, I say this as any sane person, you deserve the best. You deserved better than Real and you were placed at Bayern and they’ll treat you right for two years, okay? I’ll do something, anything, and we’ll see each other as often as possible. And when your two year loan is over, you’ll go to Real and be back with all your old team mates. And they won’t forget you, because you’re unforgettable, there’s no need to worry about anybody forgetting you, James, I can guarantee that won’t ever happen. Honestly, anybody who hasn’t fallen in love with you is missing out,”

James had a weak smile on his face.

“I really do fucking love you, James,” Neymar added but James’ smile dropped.

“Don’t say that now,”

“Why not?”

“Just in case I lose you too,”

 

  
**_For your eyes only  
I show you my heart_ **

 

  
“James you’re not gonna lose me,”

“But...”

“But?”

“But you’re Ney, you talk to everybody and you’re funny and you’re attractive, you’ll find someone who’s easier to be with than a random dude in Germany and...”

“And?”

“Sorry,” James snuffled, his words were slightly waily and he went on, “You’re like the only person who’s...liked me, like properly, you know, I’ve literally become so dependant on you being with me that if I ever lose you, I wouldn’t know what to do,”

Neymar looked at his boyfriend’s face and it was torture.

Because he had to watch him red eyed and doubting himself, and he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t reach out and wrap his arms around him, or kiss him or tell him that he was there and that things would be okay.

“I...James,”

“I want you here,”

“I want to be there,”

“But you’re not,”

“James, I’ll call and I’ll see you every single break, every single chance I get, every single opportunity there could possibly be. We’ll just do what we always do when we don’t see each other for weeks, except now it’s for longer,”

“But it could be months,”

“I know, but we’ll get used to it, like you said, we’ll find a way, and that’s pretty good advice,”

“I’m IS pretty good advice,” James chuckled, wiping his eyes and then trying to smile at Neymar.

“What is that?”

“A smile,”

“That’s not a smile,”

“Yes it is, Ney,”

“Give me a proper smile. A James smile,”

 

 ****  
_**For when you’re lonely**_  
 _ **And forget who you are**_

 

  
“That _is_ a proper smile,”

“Remember that time I got my head stuck in my own locker and you and Dani tried to use butter to get me out, and you said ‘come on try a bit harder he can’t feel a thing’ and the first thing I said was ‘that’s what she said’”

James gave a weak grin and a soft chuckle.

“Oh come on, not even THAT made you smile? That always makes you James smile,”

“I AM smiling, Ney,”

“But you’re not smiling enough! Okay, how about a joke, why were the dinosaurs so big?”

“I don’t know, babe,”

“Because,” Neymar began to laugh so hard at his own joke he couldn’t finish it. He slapped his knee and tossed his head back in laughter.

“Finish the joke, idiot,”

“Bec- AAAAHHHHH I’m hilarious, oh my god,” Neymar cackled like a maniac and James was already giggling at how amused Neymar was at his own joke.

“NEYMAR! FINISH THE JOKE,”

“Because Jurassic times call for Jurassic measures,” Neymar was hysterical and James smiled, it was a bad joke, horrible even, but Neymar was so amazed by his own comedy that it could make anyone laugh.

“Oh my god, you idiot,” James giggled, “I’m literally going to hang up the phone,”

“Oh come on, give me a second chance,”

“If second chance means second joke, then no,”

“You really gonna do this to me?”

“I am, I really am, I’ll literally hang up if you even try,”

“Oh come on, that’s just _un-called_ for,”

“I’m hanging up “

“You get it, because this is a call and-“

“I get it Ney, it’s just really bad, I’m hanging up,” James chuckled.

“Oh come on!”

“Nope, I’m hanging up,” James giggled moving his finger closer towards the end call button.

“Please! No,” Neymar smiled as he dramatically pleaded.

“No, I’m leaving, I love you, bye,” James rushed, ending the call to a giggling Neymar.

_N: I’m offended_

He got the text a couple seconds after.

_J: I know x_

  
**_I’m missing half of me  
When we’re apart_ **

  
Two months passed and they hadn’t seen one another once, but they hadn’t failed to call each other and not a single time did they have a conversation that lasted for less than an hour.

Things were getting better, James made friends extremely quickly and Neymar got used to the whole living alone thing. There were times where it hit them hard that they were isolated, but it was getting much better.

And then luck struck in the most painful form.

James was driving to training at 7am when he got the phone call from Neymar. He picked it up and was met by an excited shout.

“GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TODAY”

“It’s nice to see you too, Ney,”

“GUESS. WHAT. HAPPENED!”

“I don’t know but I’m sure you’ll tell me,”

“I GOT INJURED, REALLY BADLY,”

“Why are you so cheery,”

“I cracked something really badly in my right foot and teared up my ankle, and they say I can’t play for up to three months and at first I was completely heart broken,”

“What? Three months? Are you alright with it now?”

“Oh I’m MUCH more than alright, they’re sending me to an operation centre that specialises in metatarsal, and guess where it is,”

“I don’t know, Ney,”

“It’s in Germany, it’s exactly 23 miles away from Allianz Arena, and 30 minutes away from your house, the closest we’ve ever been to each other. For three months!”

“That’s amazing babe!”

“I’m coming next week, I think, but I have to stay in a wheelchair for a couple weeks which is pretty horrible,”

“Don’t worry about that, I’ll look after you, but on the BRIGHT side-”

“I’M SO HAPPY I COULD BURST,”

James was certain he was about to explode aswell, in the most miraculous and unexpected way, he was being reunited with his long-distance boyfriend.

“Fate really made its way, didn’t it?”

“You could say that, except my ankle is so painful I want to die,”

“Oh god, I hope you get better, keep safe okay? Stay away from being an idiot, I love you,”

“Alright, babe, bye,”

He hung up at the phone as he parked his car, a bright, genuine smile plastered on his face.

 

**_Now you know me  
For your eyes only_ **

 

  
James was waiting in his car outside the airport. He hadn’t been this happy since...the last time he saw Neymar, which was two months ago.

After a few minutes of anticipation, he got a message from his boyfriend.

_N: Too many fans here, meet you round the back,_

_J: Alright then,_

Making his way behind the airport to an isolated road, he stopped the car and waited once again, until there was a tap at his window and a woman smiled.

He lowered the window and beamed at her, he was about to ask why she was here, before she pointed down to a sleeping Neymar in a wheelchair.

“He’s still sleeping, but he told me to take him here,” The woman said, as James got out of the car.

“Classic Neymar,” James smiled, “And you are?”

“Maria, his assistant, now that he’s in this thing I have to look after him, until we get back to Paris,” She introduced herself, and James shook her hand.

“I’m James, I uh...I know Neymar, from a  football ma-“

“You don’t need to lie to me, Ney’s already told me everything, he practically didn’t stop talking about you the entire way here,” Maria told him, he chuckled softly and then opened the door for her to get in the car.

Swiftly, James lifted his boyfriend off the wheelchair, gently placed him into the seat beside Maria, folded up the wheelchair and placed it in the back.

There was light conversation in the car between James and Maria, mainly about Neymar but also just other topics that came to mind.

“Where do I need to take you?” James asked after a while.

“They booked us a hotel beside the centre, so we can get there every morning,”

“Oh...is Ney going with you?” James asked, slightly disheartened that he wasn’t coming home with him.

“Nope, he can stay with you. Don’t worry about it, I’ll come and get him when he has the sessions, alright?”

“Oh my god, thank you!” James beamed.

“No problem, but tell him to call me if you need help with anything and he NEEDS to have his medicines every morning and night, and-“ She rattled on and James listened attentively before nodding his head.

He drove her to the hotel, waved goodbye and then made his way back home.

As they arrived, he looked back at Neymar’s sleeping body and smiled. Helping him out of the car and into the wheelchair.

It was hard to get him upstairs AND keep him asleep, seeing as he had three flights of stairs in his house and they were all extremely long, but he managed to succeed within half an hour. He jumped on the bed and sighed, it was harder than he thought.

“Hey, James,” Neymar smiled, eyes widened and smile from ear to ear.

“How long have you been awake?”

“Oh, I woke up in the car,”

“Oh my god, I hate you,” James giggled as he got up to help Neymar off the wheelchair and onto the bed. He kissed his neck softly as he did and Neymar laughed.

“You love me,” Neymar smirked.

“I love you,”

 

  
_**For your eyes only,** _

 

  
And they chatted and they giggled and they were happy. Happiness that was irreplaceable, happiness that cleansed their hearts. It was the purest of happiness. The best happiness.

It was hours later, when James stood up and moved to the other bed on the other side of the room.

“Where do you think YOU’RE going?” Neymar asked, reaching an arm out but failing.

“To the bed I’m going to sleep in,”

“Why aren’t you sleeping here?”

“Because your entire leg is broken and we cannot share a bed,” James pointed out.

“What could go wrong?”

“I could accidentally fracture your bone even more, I could literally tear your foot apart, I could make the pain move further up your le-“

“Then just don’t kick me, don’t worry I’ll be fine,”

“Ney, you’re gonna get hurt,”

“I’m already hurt, might as well make the most of it,”

“Babe, that isn’t logical at all,”

“Aw please? For me? I haven’t seen you in months,” Neymar pouted and rubbed his eyes until James eventually sighed and walked closer towards the bed.

“Oh my god, I hate you,” He said, though he was smiling, before he placed himself into the bed aswell. Neymar immediately wrapped an arm around his waist and James moved his face closer so that their noses were touching.

“That’s funny, I’ve heard that at least fifty times today,”

“Maria’s not a fan?”

“She’s nice, I mean, she let me rattle on about you for seven hours so...”

“I understand, I mean, I’d talk about myself for seven hours if I could, too,” James teased and Neymar whacked him softly.

They giggled for a bit about something James found in the locker room, before he looked at Neymar and realised that he was actually there, like literally, he was with his boyfriend.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” James smiled and Neymar nodded.

“Aside from the fact that my foot is completely destroyed, this is amazing,”

“Speaking of your foot, you need your medicines,” James pointed out.

“Don’t you dare do this to me, how is MEDICINE supposed to cure my FOOT? God knows,”

James chuckled.

 

“I don’t want you to go back to PSG,”

“I don’t want to go back,”

“But eventually you will,”

“But things will get better, right babe?”

James pushed his lips gently on Neymar’s, smiling as he let go. He looked into his hazel eyes and he was safe. He was home.

 

“Things will get better,”

 

 

**_For your eyes only_ **

 

 

 


End file.
